I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
