If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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