Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
