Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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