You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
