It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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