Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize