my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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