Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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