jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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