You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
