Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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