My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
