I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
