I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
