I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
