I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
