We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
