Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
