Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
