all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
