Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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