Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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