Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
