i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
