Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize