remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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