You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
