Michael Bay diarrhea
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize