im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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