that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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