I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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