I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize