Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
