So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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