it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
