i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
