needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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