If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
