I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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