It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
