Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
