no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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