I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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