I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
