no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize