My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
