Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
