I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
