Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
