i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
