Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
