Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
