So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
