I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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