p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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