I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
