I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
