We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
