apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
