so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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