I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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