There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
