can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
only if we run a train.
done.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
