: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
