Me. At least after what I've been through.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
