Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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