You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
