just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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