I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
