i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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