Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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