I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
