I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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