Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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