I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
